To Him - My Birthday Present

August 12, 2008

Yesterday was my birthday! And I figured out the perfect birthday gift to give myself. I took the time to figure out what I want to give a lover and what I want to receive from a lover. I discovered they are pretty much the same things.

Love is what I want to give and receive, of course, and love is not a feeling. It is an act, or rather, a practice. In order for our love to be experienced by another person, it must be expressed in a manner that is meaningful to that person.

For me, I want to express love and receive love in the following forms: comforting touch that is generous and not greedy, loving words, fun activities, meaningful conversations, attention, quality time, enjoying, respecting and honoring one another, and supporting one another’s happiness, intentions, dreams and growth. I would like for us to respect one another's individual paths, even as we walk together.

The point is, I have decided to give myself the things I want to share with a lover (well, most of them :-). The rationale for this is that in doing so, I will be able to come to love from a position of wholeness, rather than of need. If I am whole and complete already, I don’t need Him to fill me up. I become undisappointable. (I know. I made up another word. :-)

I believe that two people can support each other without being a main pillar in one another’s structures. My structure should stand just as strong whether He stays or goes, and His should do likewise. I believe in holding the lover with an open hand. Now, I know that is much easier to say than to practice, but if we can hold the lover with an open hand, then if they find that they need to move on, they won’t have to pry themselves from our clutching, bleeding fingers to do so.

If He wants to go out for a night with the boys, I am mature enough to be able to figure out something to do that I will enjoy. He shouldn’t have to coddle me, and I shouldn’t have to coddle Him. If I want to go out with my friends, I want to know He can take care of Himself. Two people can depend on each other without being dependent.

If you are whole and complete, you don’t need to be taken care of, and yet you want to share your journey with someone else who recognizes her completeness, you may be Him.